We are living in a culture where love is understood to mean validating and agreeing with another person’s lifestyle and opinions. If we disagree, we are often viewed as intolerant, misguided, hate-filled -you can fill in the sentence. The questions I ask in response to this are: If we speak truth without kindness and love, will our words be considered by those we speak to? Conversely, if we are loving and kind but fail to speak the truth, are our words even helping anyone?
So, what should our response be regarding the relationship between love and truth? Ephesians 4:14-15 (NASB) says:
“As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of people, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, that is, Christ[.]”
In this passage, the Apostle Paul talks about unity among believers, emphasizing that the way we live reflects Jesus in us. Deception and false teaching are rampant in our society. We combat this by speaking the truth in love. How we respond to people is important. Most of the time, it is not only what we say, but how we say it that matters. Truth without love is nothing more than legalism. Love without truth is nothing more than hypocrisy. The only way lives will change is truth spoken in Christ’s love.
When we are dealing with people, it is important to consider where they are in their life, at that moment. God does not respond to believers in the same way he responds to unbelievers. We should understand this when dealing with others, speaking to them in a way that they can understand. For example, Jesus often used parables and stories to teach people difficult concepts. God through Holy Spirit will NEVER encourage you to speak to someone on a level they are not capable of understanding.
In 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (NLT), Paul is talking to believers about spiritual pride:
“When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, ‘You must remove the evil person from among you.’”
It is appropriate to hold the people of the Church accountable. The standards God holds believers to is higher because we represent Him. Now I am in no way saying we should run out and start excommunicating people for every little infraction. I am saying we should hold our brothers and sisters in Christ accountable for their actions. Disciple, teach, and correct them so they can live in the fullness of Christ. I am also saying that there is a right way and a right time to do so.
2 Timothy 2:26-26 (NLT) says:
“A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.”
Notice here that we are instructed to GENTLY instruct those who oppose the truth. When we walk beside those who oppose us IN LOVE, our words are gentle and truthful, not condemning and condescending. We do not beat people over the head with truth. We love them, walk beside them, and we live the truth in front of them. We follow Holy Spirit’s lead because God knows how and what to say to reach others. He wants us to say it when the time is right, but our haste can get ahead of God’s timing and make situations worse. We must speak truth in love, with God’s timing, not ours.
There are two passages of Scripture the Church can use in how they respond to others. The first is in Mark 11, where Jesus enters the temple and sees the temple being used in awful ways. His reaction is righteous anger. He flips over tables and clears the temple. The second story is in John 8, where we see Jesus, a crowd, and a woman facing being stoned for being caught in the act of adultery. We often want to respond to all sin the Mark 11 way, because we think that’s what Jesus would do. We want to call out others boldly and loudly for their immoral behavior and false beliefs. I pause here and ask a question: who was Jesus angry at in Mark 11? He was angry at the religious leaders, the “church”. He was not talking to people who did not know better. What about John 8? First, he corrected the “church.” In John 8:8, Jesus says, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” To the lost adulterous women He says in John 8:10, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” to which she says “No, Lord”. Jesus follows up with, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” He corrected the believers for their attitude and lack of love and showed grace to the sinner.
As the Church, we so often want to flip the tables over and condemn the lost but show grace to the believer. Jesus did the opposite. He held those claiming to be the Church accountable. Grace is for the believer and the unbeliever, but we must understand there is a difference in how we should conduct ourselves in that grace.
John Bevere tells us in his book, Killing Kryptonite, that if we are speaking truth but not living the love of 1 Corinthians 13, or if we preach repentance but are not operating in true love, we have entered legalism and will hurt people. To summarize his thoughts on the topic he says:
“We must speak against sin that seeks to invade the church, but we must do it in love or our warnings will not have the intended result.”
Speak truth IN LOVE, but also in God’s time. Follow Holy Spirit’s lead and we will never go wrong. In closing, I ask this question to the church: Where in Scripture did Jesus mercilessly condemn the lost? And since we all know that answer, I ask a second question: Why do we?
